Finding Soul

Masih pagi yang sendu. Saya baru tahu bahwa ternyata saya tak sekuat yang saya rasa dulu. Kaki masih berat. Kegagalan kemarin belum sepenuhnya bisa dilupakan. Entah kapan. Yang jelas harihari ini saya bangun dengan rasa hampa. Tidak seperti biasanya, saya selalu ceria dan siap menghadapi apa saja. Sekarang, yang ingin saya hadapi hanyalah kasur dengan bantal di atasnya. Sungguh rasanya hampa mengetahui impian saya pupus begitu saya. Lebih menyakitkan karena sebelumnya saya sudah menaruh jiwa saya padanya. Sehingga ketika ia pergi, jiwa saya ikut dengannya. Mungkin impian terkadang memang seperti Rock n Roll band. Ya, harusnya saya mendengarkan Noel pada Don't Look Back In Anger. Please don't put your life in the hand on a rock n roll band. We throw it all away. Ya, harusnya saya tidak terlalu berharap pada bayangan. Karena itu belum atau malah tidak nyata.

Saya sudah coba membaca banyak quote agar termotivasi. Walau sampai sekarang, masih belum berpengaruh apapun. Ternyata saya memang masih sangat lemah. Lemah dan lelah. Saya tahu masih ada satu kesempatan lagi. Tapi entahlah, saya juga tak terlalu berharap. Takut tersakiti kembali.Dan juga rasanya saya tak lagi bisa berharap. Belum saya temukan jiwa saya yang menggelinding jauh itu.
Kini saya mencoba menemukan beberapa kepingan jiwa. Sulit memang, karena menyusun jiwa jauh lebih sulit daripada menyusun harapan. Kadang saya lelah. Sekian mil saya lalui namun satu kepingan pun belum saya temui. Namun saya tetap berjalan. Tak ada kompas, karena saya sudah tak memercayainya. Saya hanya berjalan ke mana jalan ini akan membawa saya. Ada banyak tikungan tapi saya tetap saja lurus. Meski hati saya mengatakan saya harus berbelok, tapi saya mengabaikannya. Selain jalan yang lurus, saya tak percaya pada hal lainnya lagi.
Saya masih berjalan. Belum berhenti. Walau terus berharap bahwa mungkin mati lebih baik. Tapi sampai sekarang Tuhan tak juga mengirimkan malaikat mautnya. Berarti memang belum saatnya bagi saya. Saya masih akan hidup. Entah sampai kapan. Dan saya akan terus berjalan. Entah sampai mana.

Mum

Long time no blogging. Such a hard week. I'm graduated with (Alhamdulillah) satisfying mark. But I failed entering my dream university by SNMPTN Undangan (w'out test just taken from our score from 3rd-5th semester). But it's okay there's still one more chance by the test. I'm kinda pessimistic cause there will be a social test and i'm not from social class. I'm from language class. But I must fight and not give up before the war. I have to study harder than i did, pray more frequently then I did, and be patient than I was.

By the way, why the tittle of this post is 'Mum'? Well, that's because i realize how great and strong she is! I was kinda afraid to tell mum that i failed. Cause it might hurt or somewhat. But when i dare enough to tell her, she just said : "That's okay, sometimes it's not about being genius. It's about LUCK! And it's harder to get it than be genius. You have to pray more frequently. So do I". After that, I just can't bare to cry. She is even stronger than me. How stupid I was to just know how great but simple A MOM is. What she actually want isn't something with big prices or what but just to see their children happy. That's it. I love you, Mom! I promise to make you proud of me :)

Linkin Park - Burn It Down Live Billboard Music Awards 2012

Coldplay won 4 Billboard Music Awards

Oh it's such... it's such a perfect day. Waa, twice blogging or probably will be three times haha. Cause yeah, today is really amazing. First, take a look my previous post that Gallaghers are talking again since 3 years w'out communication. And now from another band, but still British Band that i bloody love. who? COLDPLAY! MY BABIES won 4 Billboard Music Awards.For the full winning list, click here.

Gallaghers are Finally Talking Again!

Whom I often listen for this month? Definitely : OASIS! Though sometimes i have a strange feeling when i call them like that. we all have known that they have broken up 3 years ago. :( And the relationship between Gallaghers are worse. They insult and do not talk each other. BUT TODAY! There's a news reporting they are talking again after (i honestly hate to say this cause i'm a red) man. city win premier league. I'M DEFINITELY HAPPY for this. Even though they are very controversial and having bad habit, I do adore them for their very amazing music. for the honest and powerful lyrics that save million soul. they are a good example for us to chase our dream. Maybe the reunion is still far away cause noel also will take 2 years break in music. But seeing them talk each other has made million fans cry hysterically. Read the article here

Yellow. Yellow. Yellow.

This evening I found you. Before I pray. When I look at the sky. I found you glowing and yellow. Yellow. Yellow. That's what I can describe. Yellow. I used to believe that stars only have two colors: gold and silver. I didn't believe that yellow star you told me. Now I realize I was wrong. It's Yellow! I still want to keep watching you. But Dad calls me to pray. So I leave you.

But after praying I don't know why something across my mind. Telling me to go outside and meet you. And you're still there. Stay glowing and yellow. Yellow. Yellow.

"Are you waiting for me?" I ask you. And you seem smilling at me. You're glowing more. More yellow. Yellow. Yellow. So I decide to spend all night long with you. Cause I don't want you to stop smilling. That's the best night ever. You're beautiful, glowing, and yellow. Yellow. Yellow.

You keep smilling 'till the moon starts falling down. Then sun raises slowly. I'm so sad cause you'll be gone. But then you whisper:

"I gotta go. The sun must set to raise. This could be Paradise."

That last word somehow make me smile. You fade away slowly and I just try not to worry. All the stars are fading away. But I'll see them again someday. As you have faded away, the sun raises slowly from the east. The world is covered by orange color suddenly. I was very impressed. So I close my eyes to bring this to my heart. When I open my eyes, I whisper to the world:

"This is Paradise."